Terrible at Everything




 The time I burnt a plastic storage container to the stove because I turned on the wrong burner while doing 10 other things...



I just have to blog about For The Love by Jen Hatmaker one last time. 

Buy this book - it's perfect.  You need it.  It will make you laugh, it will make you cry.  It will make you dig deep and think about why you do what you do. 

Add it to your Christmas Wish List!  Really.

Here's some of the good stuff from her book:

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"The only thing worse than this unattainable standard is the guilt that follows when perfection proves impossible.  Sister, what could be crazier than a woman who wakes children up at dawn, feeds and waters them while listening and affirming their chatter, gets them dressed and off to school with signed folders, then perhaps heads to a job to put food on the table or stays home to raise littles who cannot even wipe, completes one million domestic chores that multiply like gremlins, break up forty-four fights, intentionally disciplines 293 times a day, attends to all e-mails/correspondence/deadlines, helps with math/writing/biology homework, serves dinner while engineering a round of "High-Low," oversees Bedtime and Bath Marathon, reads lovingly to lap children, tucks them in with prayers, finishes the endless Daily Junk Everywhere Pickup, turns attention to husband with either mind or body, then has one last through of the day:  I am doing a terrible job at everything.

 I feel like I'm taking crazy pills.

 This is beyond unreasonable.  It is destructive.  We no longer assess our lives with any accuracy.  We have lost the ability to declare a job well done.  We measure our performance against an invented standard and come up wanting, and it is destroying our joy."

-----

Isn't this a jewel?  A dazzling, freshly unearthed jewel of wisdom?

When I read this book, I'm looking at a mirror.  I'm watching a home movie of myself.  Of my generation.  Of all the moms around me trying to do everything.  Everything.  Everything.

Because we're supposed to.  Because it's expected.

And it's exhausting.  Frustrating, and joy-stealing.

Why are we doing this to ourselves?  Who invented these standards we are trying to live up to?

When did I decide to hop on this bandwagon?

How do I get off?

I've pared our schedule down to what I think is pretty simple compared to lots of other folks I know, but I still find myself in this same mental process.  Trying to do it all.  Do it right.  Do it perfectly. 

How can I talk myself into doing less, accepting good enough, and not caring what anyone else thinks?


The time I burnt easy-peasy, no-fail granola in my crock pot.  Oh yeah.  Mad cookin' skills here.


I do not cook.  My mom has sent me a subscription to Taste of Home magazine for at least 2 years - I cannot cook anything in those magazines.  My family likes things you can dip in ketchup, pizza, and mac and cheese.  They never ask for anything gourmet.  Instant potatoes.  Chicken nuggets.  Frozen pizzas.  I like that.  It's easy.  But I can't help but feel a little "less than" when this is our dinner menu.  Why should I care the least little bit how my dinner menu compares to others?

What vile thing crawled into my mommy brain that made me think our family is "less than" because we don't eat organic or gourmet foods? 

Here is the kicker:  somehow I have been convinced that everyone else is doing everything perfectly.


How can I believe this?


Any and all real mom friends I have talked with recently have said the following:

I love shuttling my kids to ten practices a week.  It's invigorating!

I am a great cook and everyone envies our dinner menu!

My family is perfect in every way!


For some reason, we all want to believe that.  None of this is true.


Let's try that again.  Here's what my friends have really told me:

I am exhausted.

There are not enough hours in the day.

I am so tired of driving from practice to practice.

This (1st, 2nd, 3rd) grade homework is killing us!

We had cereal for dinner.


So, this is reality.


And here is our challenge:  How do we shed our culture's mantra?

"We must do everything.  We must be perfect.  Failure is not an option!"


I think we need to adopt a new mantra:


"I cannot do everything.  I cannot be perfect.  And all my real friends will be okay with that."


And we need to believe this.
And we need to do this.

For the love of sanity.



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