To Spank or Not To Spank?

I have a hard time watching this video, but I have posted it to illustrate a point.

Every parent comes to a crossroads in their child-raising adventure when this question must be considered:

To Spank or Not to Spank?

When our daughters misbehave, they respond well to time-outs or loss of video game/tv time.  End of story.  Fairly easy discipline.

Enter our three-year-old boy.  I think he has been getting into trouble since he could move.  Walking and running have increased his mahem-making ability a hundred fold.  He has an internal magnet that leads him to trouble.  This weekend, I went to pick up my daughter from musical practice at a local church.  My two littles and I snuck in to watch the end of practice and then my boy shot past us - by the time I took my little girl's hand and exited the performance area, he was out of sight.  I didn't panic because he does this almost every week.  He always turns up, but searching for him takes 20 minutes to a half hour every time.  I have to scour both levels, the entire floor plan, some places more than once.

While scouring the church, I'm thinking:

Where could he be?
I hope a stranger didn't leave with him.
I hope he hasn't left the building.
This is so embarrassing - every time I come here, he dashes off and I have to search for him.
You'd think I could control my child better. (enter mom guilt)

Every time.

Stress.  Anxiety.  Embarrassment.  Exhaustion.

You would think after the first time, he would have learned his lesson.
You would think I would have learned my lesson, too.

Well, I have, but it doesn't matter if he doesn't fear getting lost or taken.  He will sneak off every time he has a chance.  He's not doing it to be devious.  He just gets tired of what we're doing and he goes to find something more fun.  Or he wants go hang out with his favorite teenager and play video games.

The trouble is, he doesn't bother telling me his plans.

He just disappears.   

 

Interestingly enough, a recent episode of "Black-ish highlighted this issue."  While shopping with his mom in a department store, the little boy decided it would be fun to hide from his mom.  She went into a panic and after finding him, threatened a spanking at home. 

I don't normally watch this show, but was very surprised to see this issue brought to light in a mainline show. 

When my search had ended, we found him waiting for his favorite teenager to play video games with him.  He had settled into a comfy chair in front of the video game console.  He had his controller ready to go.

I love this boy.
I love his little boy hugs
and his silly antics.

I'm glad he feels comfortable in the church, but this has to stop.

I decided to put my foot down today.  I usually go for time-outs, but this was a repeat performance that hadn't been corrected by other methods - time out, talking-to, etc.

And so - I did it.

I picked up my child, told him he was going to have a spanking and did it.

Three quick swats to his 4T rear, followed by a stern talking to.

His reaction?  "You hurt my feelings!!"

My answer?  "You hurt my feelings by leaving.  I thought I lost you!"

Follow-up questions:
Do you leave mommy?  No.
Do you wander off by yourself?  No.
Do you hold mommy's hand in the church?  Yes. 
Do you know mommy loves you?  Yes.
Do you want a stranger to take you home?  No.
Do you want mommy to take you home?  Yes.

STAY WITH MOMMY!!  Okay.

And off we went, my tear-stained boy in tow.  Back home.

I don't know how many more times this will happen.  I pray it will never end in a situation where I cannot find him.

My girls seem to come naturally under parental authority.  In stores, they either ride the cart or follow me like little ducklings.  I do not have to fear for my girls' safety, but our boy is a totally different story.  A completely different person...who requires an occasional swat to the hind quarters to keep him in line.

And so, if you are reading this blog to find a definitive answer to whether or not you should spank, sorry to disappoint.  Each child is different and each parent is different.  Certain forms of discipline are more effective than others, but different circumstances can change everything.  If you are trying to figure out how best to discipline your child, I suggest praying about it.  And reading.  I have read several parenting books such as Making Children Mind Without Losing Yours by Dr. Kevin Leman.  I find time-outs are most effective across the board, but special circumstances (such as repeat offenses of...wandering off, for example) may elicit more serious consequences.  Your child needs to know you mean business, or they will disregard you and your well-intended discipline. 

Four Quick Discipline Tips for Success:

1. Decide on your discipline method - make sure all parental parties agree.
2. Tell your child what you are going to do and why.
3. Do it!
4. Don't apologize for the discipline.  Stick to your guns.  You are the parent.

I always talk with my child once the tears have stopped.  I reassure my child that I love him or her, then we get back to business as usual.  I try not to bring it up again, just like forgives and forgets my sins.  After all, love keeps no record of wrongs 1 Corinthians 13.
  

Start children off on the way they should go, 

and even when they are old they will not turn from it. 

Proverbs 22:6

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If you haven't read this article already, and you have a few minutes, please read it!  I loved the video clips she included so much, I featured them in my blog!  I had been thinking about this issue already, but this really drove the point home for me.