Mom, Do You Like Me?



With Mother's Day only a week away, my 8-year-old daughter asked me this question while we were clearing the dinner table.  We had just had a super-busy day, filled with homeschooling and errands and housecleaning and laundry.

My first reaction (mentally) was, "WHY would she ask that?"

Doesn't she notice the amount of time I've invested in her?

Take homeschooling, for example.  I spend half of every day educating her.  After she goes to bed each night, I spend time learning to teach the way she learns, reading articles on parenting, and planning homeschool events and playdates so her social needs can be met (mine, too, but that's for another post).

I watch her so closely - when I noticed she wasn't reading so well, we went and got her glasses.  When the dentist said, "orthodontia," we took you to the orthodontist to be evaluated right away.  When I noticed you were having spelling and writing problems, I busted my tail end getting an evaluation scheduled.  I am looking out for your every need!

Doesn't she remember that I buy her favorite foods at the grocery store)? 

Doesn't she remember the hours and hours I spent cuddling and nurturing her as a toddler?  The years we've spent together reaching new milestones - walking, running, riding a tricycle, pumping a swing, learning to swim, riding a bike, playing baseball...and on and on?

What in the world am I doing here?   Isn't this love???

Why am I doing all these things if (apparently) it makes no difference?


More importantly, what am I doing WRONG?

How can she not know that I like her?  I LOVE this kid!!

Everything I do should indicate to her that I love her like crazy!


I am trying my utmost to help her have an awesome childhood and she asks me if I LIKE her.  As if no love is involved.  As if she is a passer-by.

What happened here?


So I pulled my mommy ego up by its' bootstraps, gritted my teeth, and asked (nicely, with all the patience in my being), "Why do you think I don't like you?  I LOVE you!!"

She answered that she thought I paid more attention to our other children.  Well, they're younger and need more help, I explained.  Your brother still needs help getting dressed sometimes, and he needs assistance in the bathroom.  Your sister has emotional needs that sometimes require time alone, or special time together.

You're the oldest.  You have more responsibilities, but you also have a lot more fun activities than your brother and sister.  You have way more playdates.  You've gone to camp.  You are allowed more video game time.  You usually have your own projects that you want to spend time on - creating an Infinity 3.0 world or writing a comic book.  Because you are older, I've been trying to give you space.  Letting you do your own thing.  Not hovering over you all the time.  You're more independent than the other two.

And then, she said it.  She told me exactly what she meant.

"Mom, you hug them more than me!"


Ouch.  Shot me right through the heart.

Here I was over-analyzing things (as usual) and I missed the most important, simplest thing.

She wanted me to show her I love her with physical touch.  A hug, for pete's sake.

 

"Of course I can hug you more!"



I get so busy with everything else in a day that I missed the one thing that is most meaningful to her:

Loving on my daughter in a tangible way.

No amount of doing things - slaving away at housework or making cool homeschool lessons, says, "I love you."

In fact, it means exactly bupkis to my 8-year-old.  Nada.  Zilch.  Zip-o-roony.


Lemme tell ya - there have been a lot more hugs and snuggling going on around here.

Our world is now a much happier place.


Lesson learned.





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